I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She's the barista slut.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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