I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
