Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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