Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
