apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
