So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
