I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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