I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
