Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
