The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Actions speak louder than pants.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
is it fun? or sober?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
