If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
