my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
