oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
