haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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