Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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