you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
