Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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