I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
