I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
