Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
