I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
