just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
