I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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