I seem to have left my pride at pride
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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