Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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