Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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