Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
