eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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