I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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