My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
