that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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