I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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