They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
