I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
