It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
