Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
