in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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