Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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