4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
