so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
