i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
