He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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