I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
