Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
