my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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