Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
