You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
