I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
