That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
