Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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