The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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