You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
