The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
