I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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