He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
