kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
