My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
