Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
